PerforatedxHearts

Okay, well. I guess I'd have to read a lot more of this to actually be interested. Typical romance, nothing different..yet. You've still to put your own twist on this. ...

You seriously need to proofread this, and hire a copy editor. Of course, this belongs in the romantic section, we all know that. But you seem to rush through the ...

I've never really read a short story that was sectioned off in chapters. that sounds more like a novellete or whatever to me. Try using "~" or just paragraph 2 ...

Maybe, if you really don't want to retype everything and stuff, then just take the old scraps and make a new story out of it. Tweak a few things, and ...

a freakin' men.

I was about to say "give your character a want", but you already said that. And they're right. Lolita. XD I suggest that you read Lolita, then put your own ...

It's really tricky. I think The Writer's Handbook [huge, huge book] of 2003 had an article from a lawyer that contributed to certain rights and such. I suggest that if ...

Ditto Aet. [because I'm so lazy]. Plus, I'd think that this was a very, very, very short short story that didn't really end in the first place. So is this ...

I actually liked this story. A bit long [but of course I'm always short of time], and is it just me or does the guy seem to fall in love ...

Paramore's new album "Riot!" is very useful. The lyrics are left up to you to interpret. Every song on the record is used in my muse story, or inspired a ...

brava, brava. great advice. wow. 18 and you have an agent? how long have you had them?

ditto, snoink. XD yeah, well, maybe you should post this in quizilla. the ladies and gentlemen over there haven't quite gotten it. I was thinking about writing a story subtly ...

Basically everything Snoink and Co. said. XD The end was lyrical, song-like. You've got good potential for this story, but I feel like you need to elaborate this more. Make ...

Yeah, my Word won't do any spellcheck or grammar correcting, and I've tried constantly to change it, but the only way it'll do that stuff is if i get a ...

Basically everything what Icaruss said. Plus, this sentence seems awkward: Do you think Ellie (that girl you sit next to in art) would ever go out with me. (By the ...