PerforatedxHearts

This is really nice, very warming, but there are some problems I have with this: 1. You start almost every paragraph with "I". Vary it. 2. It's over too fast. ...

Haha. [update, february 23, 2008] see the siggie? yeah. please review my story. :] i posted chapter 1-4, i think. and i'm working on typing as much as i can ...

Yeah, try to develop your characters more. Also, if you wanted the thriller/horror effect to play a big part of this, then make sure that you push the element in ...

Wow. You truly were the best at this. This was amazing. I don't think there's anything wrong with this. You will die. We will consume you. Haha. How cheerful. I ...

There's really no point in this poem. I really like the wording, and it's very eloquent and full of emotion, but what are you trying to achieve? And the rhythm ...

Micha's sort of right. There's no point here, and it's extremely illiterate! Grr. So...edit this until you've given us a reason, a very good one, to read this poem at ...

I lovelovelove the voice. Sounds like a reasonable sort of person, ya' know? This was niice. Good job. And I love the title, it's very catchy.

Haha. I just keep thinking about "American Pie." That really annoying girl... "One time [pause for breath], at band camp, we..." I actually liked this. Taking stories from memories, that ...

The paragraphs are...creepy. Weird. Very awkward to read. So change that, and like Azila, then I'll read it.

I have my 'wtf...?' expression right now. The words explain pretty much how I look like. Err. Sort of immature, but it is sort of funny. In that idiotic way. ...

The description is good. there a point to this?

Ooh, I likey. Freeverse, right? The emotion is what captures me. It's sharp, and really catchy. And the whole idea is that I don't think the person's sane, so you're ...

Haha. I sort of cheated. I had a minor abridged copy, since Les Miserables really is a philosophic and deep book with unavoidable run-on sentences. I need a good book ...

This would be near perfect, save for two things: -Grammar and spelling. There's a wonderful thing called Microsoft Word Spellcheck and Gramar. -The beginning. I don't mean the first paragraph ...

insulted each other with comments about their marriages to unpleasant teachers ..Huh? 13-year-olds are married to unpleasant teachers? I loved the description, and I'm not going to critique on grammar