PerforatedxHearts

You've got some minor grammatical errors such as punctuation, your use with commas, etc. Here's a random sentence I noticed: "Well, you guys always bug me. And are always on ...

I say both, too. You need soul to stir up emotion in your readers, and skill to deliver it.

Becky left me at that, and slipped through the double doors marked EMPLOYEES. I had been waiting there for three minutes when a young man, about 17, walked through the ...

I'm having to swim to keep in shape because I'm on the swim team during the school year. D: But, uhm, reading too. It's sickening. I read 15 books in ...

I think, with the beautiful word choices you've made in your little story, it could be expanded... That is, unless you're planning to make it some sort of crazy prologue ...

What Mhmm said. It's an interesting start, but can you give us more?

My muse comes in spurts of... pages. Maybe one, maybe ten. Maybe a paragraph.. Actually, she usually visits me at night right when i've just gotten into bed, and forces ...

Maybe capitalize She every time you refer to her, to distinguish Her. Haha.

Love. The one feeling everyone in the world wants to witness for themselves at least once in their lifetime. This could be condensed into 1 paragraph. Otherwise, you're confusing the ...

Hey! “It’s just a shame that the weather couldn’t have been better,” my mother pipes up behind me as she adjusts my veil. Now it seems like you're overdoing on ...

I think everyone covered what I wanted to say, haha. They only missed the part where they were SUPPOSED to say that they cried. Well, I did. Kind of. Teared ...

“Ian I can’t get down!” Kali yelled from the highest branch of the oak tree. Comma between Ian and I. “Yes you can. Just go down one branch at a ...

Pretty much everyone has said it for me. But I laughed my butt off on this one: “Babe,” he said, the same look coating his features. “Are you okay?” No, ...

Have you ever wondered what it's like to kiss your enemy? To kiss the person you have loathed all your life? I did. It reminds me of those test essay ...

This was my favorite part: Tyler. Tyler Daily. Tyler Daily Simms. My best friend. No more. My boyfriend. No more. My fiancé. No more. My absolute favorite part. I liked ...