PenNPaper

Hi, PenNPaper here to review! the shoulders crashing against his collar bone push him back out This doesn't flow too smoothly, perhaps say 'the shoulders crashing against his collar bone ...

Hi, PenNPaper here to review! I had two more classes left to go to but I didn't feel like going anymore I quickly There should be a period after 'anymore'. ...

Hi, PenNPaper here to review! I have been startled by her unexpected appearance It should be in the past tense, as your whole story is. 'had' not 'have'. maneuvers It ...

Hi, PenNPaper here to review! unimagineable Spelled wrongly. There is a spell check function so please use it. it should be 'unimaginable'. I like this story, it seems really cool ...

Hi, PenNPaper here to review! Only 2 minutes Ryan said Ryan in his mind There should be a comma between the first 'Ryan' and 'said'. kimmi For names please use ...

Hi, PenNPaper here to review! I am done being a monster Maybe you would have wanted to add in the word 'with'? realization. his 'his' should be 'His'. Ice slid ...

Hi, PenNPaper here! This is the shortest ever story part I have ever seen, just a sentence, this isn't exactly an idea, I don't even know what you're talking about. ...

Hi, PenNPaper here to review! That day, Laying It should be a small letter 'l' after the comma. My Two 'Two' should be 'two' unless it's a name. village leaders ...

Hi, PenNPaper here to review! My, this sure is upsetting, you sound like you're cursing someone. Okay, I do not even know how your MC is related to this 'whore'. ...

Okay, nice one, loved it very much. Sad that it has ended, but, all stories do, somehow. Good luck and keep writing!

Hi, this is not a review, just wanted to say how much I like your story and the final battle was amazing! Good luck and keep writing!

Hi, PenNPaper here to review! Okay, I am a little confused by the dialogue and all, it seems that you have inverted commas at times but at times you don't. ...

Hi, PenNPaper here to review! attackers foot steps Okay, I'm quite sure you're referring only to one attacker so there should be a apostrophe. birthing-day Is that a made up ...

Hi, PenNPaper here to review! Woah, please break this down into smaller paragraphs, or else it will seem very messy.Also after 'chapter one flying lesson' please start a new paragraph. ...

Hi, PenNPaper here to review! Okay, you ended the story very abruptly here, you really shouldn't have, it is strange to end with such a sentence, maybe you would continue ...