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Re: Peter#1
This does not seem like a fanfic yet, but it will.. _________________ Chapter 1 “I passed!” “I failed!” I chirped sarcastically, mocking Holly’s enthusiasm. She turned to face me with ...
Dec 8, 2008 -
Re: Salt#1 (part one)
I tried to make it better, but I'm not sure if thats exactly what I did...
Dec 7, 2008 -
Re: Salt#1 (part one)
I literally have not written for a year! I feel extremely rusty while I was writing this. Well, rip it apart if you have to. Just want to see how ...
Dec 6, 2008 -
Re: Tears of the Dead: Chapter3!
That was extrememly good. I was hooked onto it for the whole way! She felt detached from her body: she felt nothing. Then slowly she slid back into her shell. ...
Jun 22, 2008 -
Re: Little Book #1
Chapter 1 I walked through the town streets, retraining myself from running. It was a dreary afternoon and not many people populated the usually crowded streets. Even with a clear ...
Jun 22, 2008 -
Re: (No Title Yet) Chapter 1
This was pretty good. I liked it. I especially loved how you started the chapter. It caught my attention right away. Anna would always be there for me, and I ...
Jun 21, 2008 -
Re: Kylee and The Mermaid Kingdom
I think you should go ahead and start posting it! Sounds pretty good to me. I cannot wait! paw
Jun 21, 2008 -
Re: The Cruel World
Well, I think it flowed nicely. But don't listen to me...I am horrible at critiquing poems. XD You started of nicely getting right to the point that you really want ...
Jun 15, 2008 -
Re: Downright Weird
Surprised, Col pushed away from me , quickly standing up, two inches away from me . The repetition does not sound so good. Maybe 'two inches away' is enough. I ...
Jun 15, 2008 -
Re: Lament of a War Widow
That was very moving. I loved how you chose you words. The street speaks of our grief. The trees stand stone silent in salute. Leaves lie scattered across the pavement. ...
Jun 15, 2008 -
Re: Thoughts In A Moment of Hysteria
This was incredible! I usually don't read poetry, but this caught my attehtion. I had a weird feeling when I read this. I was saying to myself this is so ...
Jun 15, 2008 -
Re: Rebirth(03)
I climbed into the passage side and she slid into the driver’s side. I think you mean the passenger side. The two warriors got into a similar looking car. Maybe ...
Jun 15, 2008 -
Re: Rebirth(02)
30 years later Maybe you should add: ... after '30 years later' to give an affect. :) “Aubrey! You have a letter,” my vampire housemate Katherine said. You should put ...
Jun 15, 2008 -
Re: Rebirth(01)
It was kind of confusing. I coudn't really follow it. It seemed to go by fast without much details. I couldn't picture the surroundings at all. With having ended the ...
Jun 15, 2008 -
Re: A New World: Chapter 3
This was AWESOME! (excuse my use of caps) I loved it! I was disappointed when it ended! :) But do not fear me because of what I am. I may ...
Jun 15, 2008
