Pattycakes

Early start You shouldn’t lead off both chapters as ‘wake-up’ scenes. At least not the first two chapters anyways. It’s stale, variety is good! Dualities Be careful with making every ...

Hey I like it so far! I think your writing style is pretty strong; there are weak points there of course, but still definitely a good foundation to build off ...

Hey man, I dig this quite a bit so far! Very cool setting, and with an interesting profession to boot. I think your action scenes are really well written and ...

Don’t leave us hanging As a rule, not every chapter in an action/adventure story needs to end on a mid-action scene cliffhanger. In fact they shouldn’t. Don’t fall into Dan ...

Cult of personality Just a head's up, and it’s very possible this is a cultural thing, but, (at least in the U.S.) someone would never, ever , ever describe themselves ...

Okay, pretty good stuff. Some general thoughts I had as I read: Eavesdropping So, cool, I get how it’s used to advance the plot, right? But it’s sort of played ...

7/10, a psycho in disguise as in wearing a costume, or an seemingly average person no one suspects? The first person point of view seems interesting but you'd have to ...

“By Zeus, Archimedes, you’d better be in there!” A voice called into a small room, rapping loudly on the wall next to the thin linen door. There was no reply. ...

Good stuff. Turns out a little research shows Ailish is Gaelic in origin and in fact a real name. I learned something new today! Mark it I'm all about authenticity ...

Consider me the patron saint of unreviewed works, here to help you. Pretty suspenseful so far. Onto general comments: A sense of time I think one of my favorite things ...

Deleted. Feel free to PM me if you're a former reader wondering why/where it is now. If the mods would rather delete this entirely, feel free. The reviews are sort ...

now set in Times New Roman font, for anyone who was getting annoyed with Courier. Haha, much thanks. Good work on this part! The drill is relatively the same as ...

I enjoyed this, it was a new subject for me. A couple different threads of plot are weaving themselves around each other, I'm interested to see were it goes. The ...

Deleted. Feel free to PM me if you're a former reader wondering why/where it is now. If the mods would rather delete this entirely, feel free. The reviews are sort ...

Oh, don't be so melodramatic... It doesn't suit you. :P I enjoyed reading this. Interesting premise, a couple of unique characters, and has a lot of potential for some very ...