PandaAiKorai

One VERY large error that sticks out like a sore thumb, hon: It seems as though your thoughts are the same as mine, It's not huge, but, of course, it's ...

Ah, referring to the serial killer in the point of view of the little sister. This seems like a cynical version of the storyline, haha. I liked this a lot. ...

Let's dance, let's dance. Give me a chance to hold you close to me. This night so young, where we feel one, swinging to this melody. My arms tighter, your ...

I'm going to assume this is about utter heartbreak taking its toll. Very sad, yet very easy to relate. Trust me. I suggest making this into a poem. My compass ...

HA! This was most amusing, I must say! Kept me smiling throughout the whole piece, especially with the consistent mention of Dr. Suess, very nice. Usually, I have little nitpicks ...

This line loses its ring, since it's more slant rhyme: Still [/b]I try to find out why I said yes. But the answer to this i never get. How about ...

You use the word "place" too often in one area of the story. ...sticking out my forked tongue to catch the odors and chemistry of the place. Cozy place; one ...

D'aww! That is too sweet. There's a whole level of intimacy being displayed here than that of the other couple described. I can relate to that, since I've been with ...

My absolute favorite line, out of the entire poem, is this one, The pearls of the opaque eyes Pearls, typically white, represent purity, whilst the adjective "opaque" represents something one ...

Your usage of words is very appealing. I can't help but be entranced by what you have to say. Though, quite frankly, with so many meanings in the piece, I ...

Down with modernism! I like the way you think, and cannot agree more. I truly enjoy your use of slant rhyme, and the way your words flow. However, I have ...

How am I supposed to breathe, If I 'm swimming through waves? How is it possible to see, If sight is a blurry haze? How am I supposed to cry, ...

HA! That last part made me chuckle. Very creative ending, very humorous. Only one part bothered me however. "Panic started to overwhelm me... Only water was there to surround me..." ...

"As the violins began to play faster." This is a sentence fragment. Unless you meant to combine this sentence with the one below it. "tuto had sprinkles of gold sparkles ...

One word that this entire piece needs: Detail. A lot of it is very vague. What truly caused her to limp? Why does her father call her a "whore"? Why ...