Ofour

Jim, the talking parrot, tried not to blink as the burning balls of rotting wood cascaded onto his head. He tried to inhale, but choked horribly on the burning ash. ...

Granted, but now cod cannot and they take to walking on land and invade the whole world! I wish the Tweenies were dead.

You have quite a lot of "i"'s that should be "I"'s. Also, I think a few more full stops were needed. The rhyme was quite nice, and didn't seem contrived ...

It should not have an apostrophe: "an imprint their owner’s have left behind." - "have" implies plural, so "owner's" would be "owners'". However, you only mean one "owner". Your phrase ...

"It sounds quiet – it isn’t" - full stop after "isn't". "It’s walls are stained with hundreds of silent screams" - no apostrophe in "it's". "an imprint their owner’s have ...

Whoa. I just read 1 to 29, non-stop. They flow from one to another just like a book, the character development and style are superb. I cannot wait to read ...

Grinted INI, but now everkthing in ncrewed up no people go mid ind trk to kill everkone. Thit win i verk bid winh. I winh thit there were no colourn ...

"the suns stealing a peak" - this makes sense but sounds odd. "over walking hills," - brilliant metaphor. "under a full moon. and a screech from the clouds filled" - ...

Sounds like a schizophrenic. It was very well put together, the line gaps added to the way in which the thought processes flow. This was completely unique, I don't think ...

"where they used to lie dorment." - "dormant" "Eventualy they will consume me," - "eventually" "So this ocean that once was raged with passion," - I think that the "was" ...

The challenge is persent in understanding the connotations and allegories in the book. Any words are easy to "read", I did not phrase that well. Being challenged by a book ...

9/10

Granted but it now reads like a four-year old's book. I wish up was down, left was right and circles looked like squares. :D

"Lieutenant Liam Forester was running through a vast forest in an camouflaged army combat suit, wearing a bullet-proof helmet and armed with an SA 80 Individual Assault Rifle." - a ...

"I wish this day had come sooner,But the more I wanted this day to come the slower it came." - Space between the comma and "but" and no capital letter. ...