Ofour

"Flaming arrows leapt out of the trees, towards the attacking hordes." - I'd miss out the comma. "as he saw the kingdoms enemy’s fall to the ground." - "enemies" not ...

I disagree with Claudette, I think the poem flows well throughout and the last lines continue on well from the first ones. It is very vague, in a way, but ...

That was brilliant, the enjambment from the second to third stanza was very nicely done, this piece flowed superbly, excellent!

10. if you wake up and you're made of cheese.

"He wrapped his cloak a little tighter around his body, in an attempt to stay warm." - No comma needed. "made it feel more like a fortress. Or a prison." ...

*Cracks knuckles* "Chugalug was in a far corner sipping his blood beer and smokin some poor dried animal ," - "smoking" not "smokin", no space before commas. "Not human either ...

It may give some people a feeling of vengeance, but it has no real benefit politically. There is no less hatred between the Sunnis and the Shias, there will be ...

"Trinity looked across her desk at Michael Rockne as if he had three heads." - Slightly abstract, very inventive but does not look particularly good to me. "jumped a centimetre ...

"What we lost. What we almost were." - Comma, not full stop in the middle. "Think of me, How I used to be. Think of us, How we used to ...

OK, it's just that they cost around 1.2 million pounds which is quite a lot, but I see your point.

"It was a small room, only about fifty square feet of space." - that's not small. Again, brilliant, very captivating.

"Jonathon’s McLaren F1" - Would a doctor have this car? "She was aware her phone was ringing again. She was aware a siren was blaring behind her." - I'd put ...

"I should have joined the search, the human net that dragged the beach. I draw a bath and know he knows I will not save him." - You switched from ...

'Twas good, but a bit too short, expension would be nice. I think "burning" is better than "blasted". Just needs length.

"restraining air to flow." - sounds clumsy to me. "Carpe Diem trough encouraged abstractness," - do you mean "through". "air shall seek its way trough generosity." - "through"? K, this ...