Octave

Note: This is a vampire story for Suze's contest, so please rip it into itty bitty pieces. I need all the criticism I can get. ^^ Edit: Don't mind the ...

Can I claim the name Havokai? I'll post my profile later

Comments in red. Brooklyn “Brooklyn could you please get up ? We' re going to be late for the cinemas, and the boys are [Deleted only] going to beat us!” ...

Comments in red. Only moments later, I hear another knock at the door. Could Sarah and Helena be back already? I open the door to see my sister’s glowing smile. ...

Comments in red. I tiptoe silently down the softly carpeted What do you mean softly carpeted? "Softly" modifies carpeted and therefore makes little sense to me. Mind clarifying? Also, there ...

Samuelle Park - Day 3, 12:32 AM, 13th Floor of Golden Rod City's High-Rise Condominium It was funny how some people said clocks went tick tock tick tock. In the ...

Samuelle Park - Day 3, 6:45 PM, Goldenrod City Department Store "TYLER!" Sam gasped as her friend fell out of the hole in the wall, flailing and trying desperately to ...

EDIT: Thanks for pointing out the mistake, Matt. Samuelle Park - Day 3, 10:15 AM, Route 34 The sun blazed in all his glory and the birds chirped their lungs ...

Comments in red. This was a task my english teacher set for her grade 12 class and I thought I'd give it a try. The instructions were as follows: write ...

Comments in red. This is just a short little thing that I wrote because I was bored. Don't worry, you aren't missing anything- this is all there is to this ...

Samuelle Park - Day 2, 5.35 PM, Cliff Near Rocket Hideout "Do you trust me?" Sam blinked at Tyler. What? That question was asked way before its time. "Do you ...

Comments in red. And don't worry about being morbid - fairytales often are. Golden Once upon a Time in a land not quite so far away, there lived a little ...

Comments in red. After breaking up the longest relationship in his life, he began Began, started, continued, etc. These words slow down the sentence and weaken the prose. So maybe ...

Comments in red. The night sky was clear and still. Not a good beginning. It's pretty weak, and it's not compelling at all. The city was quiet but for the ...

Samuelle Park -Day 2, Rocket Hideout Near Slowpoke Well, 5.00 PM "Guys, what about Fang -" "Shut up, Kent," Sam hissed. At this rate they were going to get caught. ...