Nyame

I really liked this. 8D the story was quite simple in itself, but that made it better to me. I loved the little details you added in there (like the ...

Ah, very nice x3 I like your writing style a lot, and how you describe things. it's interesting also how you mention small bits of past and characters in there, ...

Something I noticed is that your tense keeps changing through the story~ you should really stick with just one. Another point is the descriptions of characters- it's better to slowly ...

First thing I noticed is that you have quite a few grammatical errors in there, mostly to do with comma use. There are a lot of sentences in there that ...