NeutronStar

This is a story that I've been working on for several months, but I just thought I might post some chapters to see what you guys think, to get some ...

This is a story that I've been working on for several months, but I just thought I might post some chapters to see what you guys think, to get some ...

Prologue: My hands shook as I put the key in the lock. When I twisted I heard a very soft click . It was one in the morning, three hours ...

Hello there, StoryWeaver13, you've got a little story up your sleeve! I love it! There are no nitpicks, really, no massive big issues that you need to change. It flows ...

Thanks, I'll do a bit of rewording. :D

Ok, I like this. The bit at the end was a bit hard to understand, but on the whole, the chapter was good. I saw the title and it just ...

Ok then - this has got potential, but I think you may have to work to make this story unique and original. The whole fainting-lots-and-bad-dreams things has been used a ...

Thanks for that. :)

Hey, Someone - great name, by the way. :wink: You've got a little story on your hands, but do try and make it original. Make sure Allysa May doesn't get ...

There's a bit of gore in this chapter, just to warn those who don't like that sort of stuff. Chapter 5 The Thirteen-Chapter Diary What to do? Suzy stared at ...

Ha, thanks! :wink:

Ok, I like this, though I find it just a little bit hard to understand - but maybe that's just me. Your language is great; I loved the first paragraph ...

I actually quite like this! I've not read many books about future sight so this'll be a new experiance for me. It's a good opening, and your language is fairly ...

Thanks! :D

Chapter 4 The Thirteen-Hour Visitor Suzy felt as though an enormous shard of glass was piercing her stomach. Her intestines were knotted, her blood had turned cold and her face ...