Narnialover4ever1

:D Good job! Some capitalazation was wrong, but overall it was good. I liked it! Keep writing :)

I liked it! Plus, the pictures made it more enjoyable :). The title is great! Keep up the good work :D

Good job! I liked this chapter! Some grammar problems but IcyFlame pointed them out. Keep writing :D

Very good :) I liked it. Nice story line. Good job! Keep writing! Narnialover4ever1

I like it! It's an interesting plot line. You need some commas in some places but overall your grammar was great! 'All thirty-two of us fanned out and began throwing. ...

Aww this is so romantic. I just love stories like this! Great job! Bridgit is a very cool character. Keep writing :)

Vanessa is such a great character! Good job writing! You described some things excellently :) I really like this story. It's got a great plot :D

Great! You used some good adjectives!! 'Dax walked to the large rock structure that was not far from the caravan. The structure was shaped like a hill with grass growing ...

Confusing... I didn't understand who Alexander was. I like it so far and chapter 1 was great! Good job overall :D

Good job! I really am eager to read more of this! HURRY WRITE! :D :D Take your time :). Keep up the good work :) Narnialover4ever1

'Ow… that hurt… pretty……bad…” Vanessa whispered to herself as she sat up, trying to stop her head from spinning. She moved her arms up and down to check whether they ...

Good grammar! 'Grey stood, a little ways away, a knife stabbed through his back. He stared at Callie for a moment, and she saw his eyes glaze over as he ...

'So I left the restaurant as quickly as possible and hitched a taxi – only to realize I didn’t have any money on me. I know what you’re thinking, but ...

'As I yelled one of it's scanners noticed us on the barricade, As it turn and started to track it's turret toward us. Kinney fired just as it starting firing ...

Good job! You did a great job describing things! 'My eyelids flashed open greeted only by darkness. Everything was pitch-black. I sighed and closed my eyes but then there it ...