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Re: Reemergence 3
Chapter Three Zack ran through the forest, terrified. Behind him, he clearly heard the shouts of his pursuers, and he dared not stop for a moment; instead he carried on, ...
Aug 1, 2010 -
Re: One Eye Open
It was excellently written, but with a few punctuation and spelling errors. Also, a little nitpicking--there are 52 weeks in a year, not 48. For the spelling, it was just ...
Jul 30, 2010 -
Re: Greetings!
Thanks! Wow, lots of questions. My favorite color is blue, my favorite book changes just about every time I read a book, favorite movie is a similar problem, and most ...
Jul 29, 2010 -
Re: Elemental Thirteen (Rewrite) Chapter 1
An interesting beginning, and well-written. The only thing I really noticed was that you usually leave out commas when one person directly addresses another, such as “Doing what sweetie?” and ...
Jul 29, 2010 -
Re: Reemergence 2
Chapter Two The man stepped forward gracefully, his sword gleaming in the moonlight. The young girl stumbled backward, her mind racing for a way to escape, but she came up ...
Jul 29, 2010 -
Re: .
It definitely needs some revision, mostly just stuff a good proofread will fix, but I like it. Some awkward phrasing, fragmented sentences, and a little bit of repitition, to be ...
Jul 29, 2010 -
Re: Shadows
It sounds good, but I'm not quite sure of one or two places. One example is: The real only one thing they desire... This should probably be written as "The ...
Jul 29, 2010 -
Re: Up From The Deep
This is great! Excellent story structure, well thought out, and a good flow to the story. I like how you change some phrases to fit better, like "shrimping out" instead ...
Jul 29, 2010 -
Re: Greetings!
Hi! I'm new here. I've been writing for four years, but I'm still trying to figure out my style and make my stories work, so I tinker and change things ...
Jul 29, 2010 -
Re: Reemergence
This is a story I'm working on, and I'm still tinkering with it; any suggestions or criticisms are welcome. Thank you! Prologue They were a story, told to restless children ...
Jul 29, 2010
