Moonshine

If you're going to cut sentences short then I suggest not doing it so often. Also, some were repetitive such as 'Another wave slaps.' Readers find repitiiveness annoying even if ...

Looking back down, she wondered if something exciting would happen. If she would embark on something exhilarating that she could share with her friends back home. I feel as if ...

I agrees that the layout of the story nearly turned me off from reading it. Spaces and paragraphs are our eye's friends, my glasses really don't need to get any ...