Mirasella

Ok, color me confused. I like the writing style, but there are waaayyyy to many names to keep track of all at once. Like Alice, only entering our attention a ...

It was good, lots of potential. I have just a few notes... First: redo the beginning. Starting too many sentences in a row with "the" (or in fact any one ...

Don't have time to write a long enough critique, but suffice to say very good. There was one time where you used "then" and it should have been "than", and ...

Ah, hello Vox. Your words ring true. First: involuntary, not unvoluntary, and aside from a few punctuation/grammar mistakes, that's it for my editing. I must tell you how nice it ...

lol. I liked twilight, but my Jewish sense of humor forced me to laugh so hard at this script that I knocked over a pile of medical devices (this is ...

Good job Leoni! (I have a friend with that name, she says it's catching on again) Anywho, this was great, and not merely for a first-post. I'll just add my ...