McMourning

John Smith Like Jones, it's very unoriginal.

The wealthy Madam Fanfare has been murdered. Vert powder and a ribbon of rouge (blush) were left at the scene of the crime. Not very much for the police to ...

Jack. Something simple. A well-off woman who sends her daughter away and only visits once a week, rather than raising her. The woman is married, but her husband does not ...

I died.

Wow. I felt like I was reading a memoir, rather than fiction. It felt very real. I think part of that is because of your use of imagery early on ...

Seeing everything from above, always watching

Hello. There are many parts I think you did well. It rhymes without being strained, for one. For another, you help the reader to visualize Hannah and her life. I ...

I cry for the children, I cry for the families, I cry for us all. Silently, I hope. For all humanity. For there's a darkness. There's a problem, will always ...

Hello. The first thing I noticed was the capitalization and punctuation. Contractions need to have apostrophes (It's, don't, can't), and the beginning of each stanza should be capitalized. this is ...

I also think this is a beautiful piece. Those near me -- are far away. This is probably my favourite line. It works to tell the story well, but I ...

I actually didn't think this piece was bad. You have a really good rhythm, and it does tell a story of sorts. But, at some points, the short sentences don't ...

Yes, that is a good job, but I do have two small things to change. I would have liked it to be in three "paragraphs", because as I read it ...

You speak so easily about loss, focusing on the good, like the bell. That's nice, but there are some things to change. First, Moonshine is a name and should always ...

Hi. I didn't really find anything wrong with the story itself, but I would've liked some of your sentences to have been shorter. She blinked a few times, wondering if ...

It's an interesting concept. I'm not sure that anyone else has suggested a laser wall surrounding the universe. Sometimes the worlds need heroes and sometimes people need heroes. But rarely, ...