Matthews

I like some parts of the first version better, and some parts of the second. Overall, I think they're both pretty cool.

Ooh I love it! I agree with previous posters that it would sound AWESOME as song lyrics! You should totally build on this, and use it as song lyrics...if you ...

I like it, but I think you should make it more vivid...idk, you can tell what you're feeling, but it doesn't seem strong.

A Sickened Mind: I edited this AGAIN, so if you're wondering why it keeps changing... Fury-filled screaming echoes throughout, I cower in my haven with disgust in my heart. I ...

I'll not comment on the few mistakes, (which are few) since you mentioned this was just a rough draft and you'll fix up the errors later. I like it so ...

I LOVE this! You are SO awesome! It's so...fun to read. :P Keep it up, I'd love to read more of your poems.

OK, first of all, why is Morgan so unconcerned about her mom's welfare? I think you should write a chapter about the "bad guys" and/or about the mom's whereabouts and ...

Actually, one other thing: When the two bad guys were arguing, it was hard to make out who was who. And when the kids distracted them, again, I got confused ...

As usual, a wonderful chapter! Only one suggestion this time: In some areas you have really long paragraphs, making it harder to read. Like when Argo and Morgan reach the ...

I totally agree with borntobeawriter, I mean, I wouldn't have read you're story this far if I hadn't looked it up on your profile, after asking you where I could ...

Morgan had been labouring away at this work for at least three hours before her father returned. He looked very tired, and more worried than when she had last seen ...

You are one amazing writer! You have true talent. Just a couple questions: Why does Morgan's father allow her to be so rude? Why does she not get punished for ...

Ooh I love this story! :P Even though she did not usually care what others thought of her, she did not want to earn herself a reputation as a crackpot. ...

I kinda like it...but I agree, that the reader feels little emotion concerning what you're describing. I think you should make more of a point about what you're feelings are.

I like it, but what I really wanted to comment on was your awesome avatar! :) Gotta love Jack Sparrow!