Maki-Chan

Shiro- There was a roar in the distance. "Crap." Shiro moaned. The evil dragon Blake was after him again- for his endless magincal energy/power.

hmm... not bad but I have no clue what is happening. Why is Gatame in chains? Why is Tren looking for Gatame? Who is the general? But if i am ...

Shiro- He joilted up, shocked by Shin. "W-who the hell are you?!" Shiro growled. Shin smiled. "Shin, and you?" Shiro relaxed. "Shiro."

Ume Udaro- She struggled and tried to brake free. Then a man appeared before her. Ume stared at him.

Ume Udaro- Enwrapped in darkness, Ume was alone while Gatame was sitting in a prison cell. Ume's stomach was glowing. "Ugh...where am I?" Ume whispered as she slowly ccame too. ...

tobi Uzaki- He laughed. Annoying Amber. Jared heard them in the room but didn't enter he wanted to be alone. Ambe sat down."This day has been so stressful." Tobi rubbed ...

Tom- He rested at home in his bed- ditching school again.

I vote for mine ^_^

Shiro- He smiled as Sam and Tsude disappeared into the distance. It caused him to blush. Shiro hadn't felt this good since before his father's death. He fallen in love ...

oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause any trouble.

Shiro-- He was shocked, Rene had kissed him. KISSED HIM! Shiro's lips were as cold as ice against Rene's warm moist lips. She had enjoyed it, his lips though cold ...

:D I'm so happy that you all loved it so much! ^_^ I am still working on chapter 1 but its a little difficult- should I use first person view ...

well I thought it was pretty neat. I now how she feels with the horrid monsterous hair- especially after a shower! My only probelm was perhaps you can have a ...

I think that the person before me pointed all the mistakes out. now it is pretty well done ^_^

Hands tighten round might throat hmm this doesn't semm right to me. Is 'might' suppost to me my? Other wise it was pretty good. ^_^