Maki-Chan

I think you should space the paragraphs appart, and put this into separate parts. Like 'The only one part 1, part 2 part 3 and so on.' If you do ...

Shiro- He followed her out of the bedroom, and into a living room. He saw the couch and sat on it- trying to relax. "So, umm, what happened before?" Shiro ...

Not bad but for a prologue its too much, too detailed, too straight forward. If I am correct its showing a bit into the future? Cause if it is I ...

well i saw it deserves a 9/10. It was awsome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_^

Lizzy- They walked inside the house.

Shiro- rubbing his head and whiping his eyes he lef thte bed. Shiro was wabaly as he walked to Grace and Sam. "Ugh, can I have something to eat?" He ...

Haimon- He whiped the blood from his nose. Naomi was crying holding on tightly to him. "I never thought that someone who loved Naomi as much as I do, would ...

Shiro- He spred his wings, casting the snow in the sky. Bringing it down upon the earth, its pure white color. He mostly liked to be alone. It was who ...

Jared- He was angry, how dare the wre-cats attack his clan. He heard the gun shots but then he heard Tobi. "He'll take care of it." Jared muttered as he ...

Tobi Uzaki- He heard the gun shots and he rushed out of his shower- in a towel. Running into Jessica's room he saw waht happened. She was covered in blood. ...

Ume Udaro- As Soifon prepared to strike Ume lifted her arms towards her, Then they created a metal shield- blocking Soifon's attack. Ume's arms then changed from a shield to ...

Ume Udaro- Ume's left hand stretched towards Soifon. She dodged it, but Ume's stretched arm hit the building behind Soifon- melting it. *All I got*

Tobi Uzaki- He sighed." I'll clean them up, but the rest of you get to bed. We'll need our rest in order to save Maria." Amber and Jared nodded. Jared ...

not too bad. But I see alot of angel poems. Perhaps your next one can be something really different?

first it talks of sadness, then how people see you, then its about another person, then its how they changed. It just keeps on jumping. Sort of confusing. But other ...