MagnusBane

Oh yeah, big drama. :) I can see some long shouting matches coming up. Will Grayson actually want the Rogue dead though? We're talking about the man he's loyally served ...

Jas I took a deep breath. Why was I suddenly so nervous? I defied the Rogue all the time. The worst he would do was hit me... I hoped. "It's ...

Okay, so Maria and Krissy are about to kill the Rogue, right? And they have their daggers on him and everything, and one of the followers, probably Kayla, throws a ...

Jas I took a deep breath. "We're going to have to tell the Rogue," I told Lorraine. She shook her head, throwing a frightened glance at the Rogue, who was ...

Probably cut it down to two or three points of view, at the most. Otherwise it'll be too confusing if the view keeps changing every few paragraphs.

Well, if you're going to make it into an actual story, it's going to need a lot more detail.

Young

Jas Gryk's house was surprisingly pretty, with a neat white fence and colorful flowerbeds. It was small, but elegant looking. I privately thought it was really girly for one of ...

Jas "It's the only explanation!" Lorraine whispered. "Come on, what did we really know about Gryk, anyways?" "That's true," Kayla said, looking uneasy. She looked over her shoulder to where ...

Jas I shivered as I followed Lorraine along the jail corridors. I had to admit, the place creeped me out, with the silent, cruel looking guards and the screams occasionally ...

*** That definetely motivates me! :) *** Jas The main room in the Rogue's palace was packed with various thieves, assassins, and thugs, all eating, gambling and talking loudly. Kayla's ...

My biggest question is, why should readers care about this Christopher kid? There's nothing in here that makes me want to sympathize with him. He's a flat character, and there's ...

Jas Kayla and I trudged down the street, exhausted. We had been running around the city since 4 in the morning, hunting for leads on the gold mine and questioning ...

Jas "You can stay and babysit the Rogue," I continued. He looked indignant, so I added, "Well, someone has to do it! He obviously won't take precautions himself, so you ...

Heroes Probably Rachel Morgan from the Hollows series and Clary from the Mortal Instruments series. Both of them are totally awesome, and the things they do crack me up. Villains ...