Mad

encased in murmurs, escorted by questions, I like your use of descriptions here, the use of language adds something to the murmurs and questions making them stand out more and ...

Heya Goldie, now that it's the weekend I have some more time on my hands so here is part of Chapter 3. Dorren was riding a horse, DarkMorn a young, ...

An introduction for something that I'm hoping to make into a short story. Criticism always appreciated. A man sat on and old and faded green armchair, his dull brown eyes ...

It's a nice poem and I like your use of rhyme - something that I like to see in poems - but your rhythm is a bit off. The moon ...

We were told to encorperate platitudes into our poem (platitudes basically being overused, useless statements) and this is what I came up with. I hope you enjoy, A Selfish Man. ...

The poem has some very powerful emotions in it, but it doesnt quite flow. The rhythm of the lines is a bit stunted, which works at time for the abruptness ...

Thanks to you both for the suggestions, this was something I came up with and then just posted without any thought to making the rhythm more even and so on. ...

It's intriguing, I cant quite tell whats happening which is good. It makes me want to read more. There were a few little spelling mistakes or sentences which didnt quite ...

It's nice. I like it :)

It's a bit of strange poem, and its not all in old English just parts. Critique away . The beauty of her body, Far surpasses the hatred in thy soul. ...

Whoa, thats pretty amazing, it's like some piece of epic poetry. If thats just the prologue I cant wait to see the first chapter.

I wouldnt know any ways that you could clearly identify that 10 years had passed but there are many ways that you could give a rough indication. (I havent read ...

Thanks for taking the time to read through it Goldie and I think I'll take all your suggestions to heart. I focus more on visual description than any of the ...

I made a mistake with those last two lines, for some reason I had condemnatilon and salvation with extra syllables. Thank you for pointing that out, I'll just edit in ...

I had a look at Smoke and I agree with all the other people who posted there, it was a lovely, sad story. I think you have a real talent ...