Mad

Thank you all for your feedback, I'll rewrite the piece using your suggestions. I'll probably repost it once I am done. That may not be for awhile though. Thank you ...

I used to really like Redwall a few years ago, but the storylines all get so repetitive. It's always good overcoming evil and it became kind of sickening after the ...

First off, very nice, reads like an epic. In the first four lines I think you overused the "ay" rhyme. The double use of day, doesnt quite work. Yesterday or ...

Tortall, Tortall. Is this off Tamora Pierce's thing? I think I can see the connection, and I guess your name would make sense then - Alanna Lionheart? Well anyways now ...

Is it a haiku? I couldn't offer you any crit on it. I'm not much of a haiku person and because it's all so short and theres all sorts of ...

why dont you just let me fill my cup i need to hang my brain up tonight.. Okay I can see the connection here now that you point it out, ...

Thanks for clearing up the metaphor Cloud_Stepping, I can see it now. I think that the reason I don't see your metaphors straight away is because your metaphors are something ...

A gentle breeze came sweeping by screaming volumes in my ear Interesting contrast you create here. and i began to run through dark woods and beyond all full formed thoughts ...

It's very confusing to read. I think you need to add some punctuation. why dont you just let me fill my cup i need to hang my brain up tonight.. ...

First of all, before I even start to critique, it's a very well written and thrilling read. Now on to the critique! I was released and thrown into the opposite ...

It's a nice enough poem. The couplet rhymes add simplicity. In the first stanza the repetition of "Playing" is good. The unknown toadstool part was quite inventive, it added something ...

Taneantra’s hand groped the air for a candle on her bedside table and then froze when it slapped cold concrete. Her eyes wandered aimlessly before she began to recall where ...

He's stuck inside his misery. He's washed through pains on windowsills. I like the play on words there, pains/panes. Very clever. "I've come to take they hurt away!" Hands drop, ...

Overall the poem flows well and you make effective use of punctuation, making the poem much easier to read and directing the reader's attention to certain aspect. Feel you hug ...

Just so you all know, I haven't written any free verse before so please be nice. Also I realise the rhythm is a little off, I will try and work ...