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Re: More Than Dust
A good use of questions, the poem makes the reader think. I can't really offer much constructive criticism. I like the rhyme of "see", "mortality" and "behind", "inside" - it ...
Apr 3, 2007 -
Re: Hello, You Are Real
You use some very good rhymes, "her" and "Myrrh", "raised" and "amazed" just to name a few. Because the rhyme is so inventive it adds a new layer to the ...
Apr 3, 2007 -
Re: Untitled
Silence of the world surrounds Beating pulsing like a heart I think you need a comma in there or something, definitely between "beating, pulsing". These first two lines leave me ...
Apr 3, 2007 -
Re: Becoming the Rain
Okay, the content of the poem is good - you just need to work on the punctuation. The poem reads like a solid block at the moment if there were ...
Apr 3, 2007 -
Re: and i move through this masquerade
Very nice imagery throughout the whole poem. Twirling we fall into ribbons of midnight gold A very nice phrase, adds a lot to the poem. Nice piece of contrast with ...
Apr 2, 2007 -
Re: ...a e new Dream...
The rhythm is a bit off, you go from short concise lines to much longer ones. It might work if they were different stanzas but it just stops the flow ...
Apr 2, 2007 -
Re: Uglies
Sorry about that - I wasn't sure about the spelling so I just copied it from one of the previous posts.
Apr 2, 2007 -
Re: Uglies
I haven't read the pretties/uglies/specials, but I rather liked Scott Westerfeld from his midnighters series. Anyone read that? I think I'll go out an try and find these books since ...
Apr 2, 2007 -
Re: Rate avatars!!!!
I'd say a 8/10. I'm not quite sure what it is, but I like it - In an abstract kinda way.
Apr 2, 2007 -
Re: Filling in the words
Something we did in school today. Basically you fill in the blanks with the right form of the word (Adjective, noun, adverb etc). Orange ________ (noun/s) Fly(s) _________ (adverb) In ...
Apr 2, 2007 -
Re: Immortal
A walk down an empty street, Or down a covered freeway. Works nicely to create a setting. The use of the word "Covered" doesn't seem quite right tho. It makes ...
Apr 2, 2007 -
Re: Vodka Vixen
Well, I get mixed feelings from this poem. It reads a bit too much like prose at times, yet it still is good. The informality helps the reader connect, which ...
Apr 2, 2007 -
Re: A short poem
Very nice. I can't see you does that make me blind? I can't hear you does that make me deaf? That all works very well, involves the senses and so ...
Apr 2, 2007 -
Re: Weather Begins Conversations
And yes I must agree Amelia :) But random is good!
Apr 2, 2007 -
Re: House Here
Very nice. The short line are extremely effective and the way that they run onto each other even more so. I like the way that you made "small brown house", ...
Apr 1, 2007
