Mad

I'm glad that Jamie took a swing (or boot) at her old man I'm kind of dreading what may come up in the next chapter though. There is really much ...

You portray her emotions perfectly, as Royboy says but there is something lacking in the father's anger (as Royboy says) That's how it works, you roll over, take the punishment ...

But what about those lines, if they enable a person to be physically or mentally destroyed then what does that say about the rule that was broken to deserve such ...

They also ordered a two liter Dr. Pepper and bread sticks. Yay for getting fat! Yay for getting fat, while apt doesn't really fit in with the narrators character. Seems ...

It's good - I think that you need a little more context though. This sudden heart to heart conversation comes out of the blue and when you mention the boys ...

Wow. The description of events really conjures the fear and pain. It's a very strong piece of writing. The beginning entry by Jamie is very deep. It provides more insight ...

I like your use of rhetorical questions it draws the reader in well and allows them to relate to the situation and get drawn into what happens. It's also an ...

I think that the dialogue is fantastic and the way you choose to narrate it, works really well. I get a real feeling of empathy for Jamie - and I ...

The second narrator, the italics one, takes different tones sometimes. For something that is giving deep insights into Jamie's life it then reverts to some rather low level comments like, ...

I write this, not intended to be a recollection of my seventeen years, nor a reiteration of just another coming of age story. Instead, I write this to you, my ...

Hey Amber, welcome to YWS! Good luck with writing those stories, and I'll keep and eye out for them. Which Tamora Piece or Garth Nix books do you like? I ...

I've just finished reading Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde , it was short but pretty good. KazSmurf, I used to really love all of David Edding's books. I'd read most ...

Thanks insanity and JC. I'll try to rework some parts of it so that it's less confusing. Rereading it I can see what you mean.

In the first stanza I really like your choice of words. Things such as static, quavering etc, create a strong picture. Having "Snap" by itself on the last line is ...

First of all, the story sounds good. It's an interesting enough beginning and I get a good sense of whats happening. You've got a few errors around - I won't ...