Mad

The story has an interesting perspective - Not a new one but one that isn't used often. The descriptions nice, and I the dialogue was good. It is equally a ...

His roughened fingers plucked idly at the peeling paint of the bench, meticulous in [s]his[/s] their work. I think their work is a better way of putting it. save for ...

Wow, I don't really know how to comment. It really is an uncensored piece, which touches on some very sad themes. I can't really make any criticisms, I didn't notice ...

It's good, not as good as some of the other chapters you've written. It's somewhere in between the action and insights that you've been giving before. “Eh, you win some ...

Well to mimic what some other people are saying, creepy and spooky. I found it confusing at first, An antique lamp shone with a sturdy light. Cherry red lips glistened ...

It's very well written and I think that the tone you choose to adopt is really fitting and makes the story very easy to read. It reminds me a lot ...

I really don't like the constant full stops. I know its there for emphasis but I don't think it really helps the poem at all. The poem seems a bit ...

:lol: I thought that was pretty good, I wasn't sure what to expect with the title and I was pleasantly suprised. I can't really offer and criticisms - I'd have ...

:lol: Your welcome to use them if you want :)

When we are finally there, to me, doesn't seem like an ending it sets up for more. It sort of leaves the poem incomplete (to me) When we finally get ...

A pitter patter on the roof; it rained, And when she woke no horrid fiends remained. Hows that?

Your poem doesn't really flow. The structure that you've got at the moment, with some short lines here and there breaks up the rhythm. a leaf spirals down, lazily, like ...

It's a very nice, happy poem. Your irregular rhyme scheme makes your poem flow better and makes it very enjoyable to read. Not much I can suggest about the poem, ...

Limp. Breathless. and Lifeless. It's an effective way of beginning your poem, I think that after "breathless" it should be a comma. The rhyme works well. Pulled through a field, ...

I don't think I've said this in any of my other posts but this is a really original way of presenting a story. I don't think that I have ever ...