Lynlyn

Hey Pally! This first chapter really roped me in. I love the setting and the premise -- I'm a big sucker for "something fishy is going on at school/university" stories, ...

Yay fantasy! Yay! A couple of probably-typos: She was dancer Is she humaaaan? Or is she dancer? *is shot* No, really, just missed out the article. ;) In his disoriented ...

The first question that immediately comes to mind is why Ron is dating Elise at all. We get the sense that he might be using her - but why? Why ...

I really do like this piece. I applaud you for writing about this kind of thing, as it's the kind of subject matter I'm never brave enough to make a ...

This is really interesting. I liked this the second time around - the first time, I completely misread it. Let me demonstrate, so perhaps you can clarify for other silly ...

This is an interesting piece, and one with a lot of potential. It's clear that you know where you're going with this - you've probably got a lot of it ...

Wow. This is definitely a bit heavier than the fantasy I read, with the whole "war of the clans" thing going on. And there's romance coming? I'm a little scared, ...

This is a short, sweet little piece. I agree that the latter portion is more lyrical, I think you "got into it" a bit more as you were writing. This ...

Yeah, I love this book. I read it in... 9th grade, I guess? I thought it was fantastic. Scout is probably the only child narrator I can think of who ...

Hint: Review a couple more pieces and get your reviews to posted work ratio up! It's supposed to be something like 2:1 reviews to chapters posted. You'll get out of ...

First off, welcome to YWS! I know you've been here a couple months, but that's still new to us.. um.. oldbies. First off, this is pure awesome sauce. Be proud. ...

Wow. Your grammar, as far as I can see, is spotless. This is a really interesting premise - it isn't too long, so I don't have much to offer, but ...

Twenty minutes? No way! I'm so jealous. No way I could write something of this length in twenty minutes. You'd breeze through NaNo! This is by far one of the ...

Brilliant. Just tiny nitpicks this time around. (Also, sorry for putting this off for, um, a month. I hope you haven't abandoned this. I might cry.) As if they were ...

While there is quite a bit that was improved from your first draft to your second, I feel like you've introduced a little more explaining rather than showing. It's more ...