Lynlyn

Oops. Those are, again, I-edited-this-sentence-and-then-didn't-catch- that-it-made-the-next-one-awkward mistakes. I tried the "reading backwards" thing this time, apparently it helped a little... but

Pikara rose, inches away from banging her head on the wooden wall. Pwaha. She's so cute. The advertisements on television had ended which was then followed by a mage forecaster ...

I really liked the first stanza (et, ergo, the last one as well) but I feel like in some places your vocabulary was a little much. Words like "pellucid" and ...

Hey, welcome to the forums! We even have a section for fanfiction here, and I'm sure some of the members of YWS *coughPsychicNinja* would be thrilled to see more Naruto ...

Prologue Chapter 1 -------- Isaac awoke the next day to find one of the foretopman standing over him, gently shaking his shoulder. “We're at port, running a little ahead of ...

No more of this "my action scenes are cheesy" stuff, lady. No self-depreciation allowed! This has character. And, by general definition, it kicks some serious behind. To start, I know ...

Yeah. If you don't mind reading through a bunch of purple prose, look to some airport paperbacks for inspiration. You know, the ones your grandma reads. Use words like "caress" ...

Yeah, I have to agree. It's a great photo, but it'll be even better when you can crop out some of the background - I think it will look amazing ...

Most of your grammar stuff has been covered - the they're/their and you're/your has been addressed, so I think if you get a handle on that, you'll be fine. Right ...

If your narrating character and the other characters aren't much removed by time and space, you can set things up like "The Great Gatsby" -- Nick is the narrator, and ...

Jiggity already pointed out the couple of "uhh" moments I had in regards to grammar/wording, so I'll just say that I really enjoyed this and I hope you continue on ...

Hey FlyingDream and Starbean! It's not a bad dream at all, FlyingDream :P In fact, I hope to some day have a published fantasy work. Fantasy is probably my favorite ...

This is very cool, I likey. Just a few short things: Eminate > emanate. Eminate looks right, but it's not. I'm always tempted to spell it that way. Loathe should ...

I really, really liked this, especially the concept of "acerbicrunons," which, I must admit, took me a minute to catch. (I was about to look it up; I'm that dumb.) ...

Something euclidean just gave you some great tips, so I'll try not to repeat what has been said before. I agree that "nites" really should be "nights" and your Is ...