LostMagi42

"I asked if you wanted any help, so, do you?" he replied.

Llynessa, an elf, walked by the tavern at 11 something at night. the sign said they were open, so she waltzed on in and took a seat at the counter, ...

Rallegor had sent out a thoughtwave just moments before he sensed the wolf girl's bittersweet 'voice'. Ah, He thought to himself, mabye I could offer some help..... why not? So ...

"Ok." he replies, and he flashes to a table outside the cafe.

I really liked it.All nit picking was done before me. Personally, either make a sequel, or you could even start a novel with this. there is definate potential for a ...

Rallegor studied the wolf rider, curious of her obvious hatred of the assassin. He finished his tea, paid the bill, and flashed to the assassin's car. "Hello." he said, "May ...

Sorry to all for that situation i presented.

I apologise, and i did not kill her. Plus, I still have to follow the laws of magic, or at least the ones i use... Rallegor stopped, his concentration lost. ...

As the wolf-girl, demon, whatever walked by him, Rallegor got the strange impression that she wasn't afraid of him. 'Well,' he thought to himself, 'we'll have to do something about ...

Ok. I found a homophone mistake near the beginning with threw. It should be through, and in the second paragraph, I believe, there is a fairly confusing part. Id go ...

My Major Nitpicks: 1. " a million league " Im sorry, but please use correct plurals. It should read " a million leagues " 2. Please add more detail to ...

A tall man in a jet black trenchcoat, mirror sunglases, and a black fedora walks into the Cafe, staff in hand. His name is Rallegor. Rallegor has this issue, and ...

I moan slipped through my teeth as my side reprimanded me with a shock of pain. This is the only major problem I had. It should be A moan , ...

Great Story. I await the next part. Either that, or ill look for it now... All critique (it that how it's spelled?) was provided in the first two replies.