Liz

I liked, but I do agree the first 3 paragraphs are unnecessary. There's nothing wrong with plunging right into a story! Well, the characters seemed a bit one-sided to me. ...

stop right there. I have just taken antibiotics and neurofenplus and I am waiting for your body to come waltzing through the doorframe (you tore the door off last June, ...

Wow, I liked this one. Didn't think I was going to, but there you go. I like the tone - questioning and bitter. Works well. Your imagery was also really ...

Beautiful. You got your ideas across in an original and capitivating way. I felt the candle metaphor in the first stanza was a little outworn, maybe try for something a ...

Strong concept and some great lines. I dont think it flowed particularly well - maybe as your ideas were quite scattered. I'd like to see some clearer links between the ...

Not bad, you have some really good moments in here but I think it could do with a rewrite. Bubbles' list was pretty comprehensive, I'd start with that. I did ...

Mmm, tone is good, it flows well, but I think you need to rethink some of your word choices. The rhyming seems forced in some places, 2nd stanza for one. ...

Very nice, and wonderful for a first attempt at poetry... I don't know if it needs a particular rhythm, but I think if you tried shortening each line you could ...

That was great. I loved the tone especially - the bitterness, sarcasm, it all built up well to your last lines. It did seem a bit disjointed - I don't ...

I agree, there's not much of a place for a glossary in poetry. Your poem itself should create the meanings you want. I like the poem, but I definitely think ...

Nice. I like your concept, and you carried it out well. I think there are a few things you could do to make it stronger. You're toeing the line of ...

Yeah, pace it out by using stanzas. You can clarify a lot by using good line breaks. It is "nice" but I think it could be a lot more powerful ...

I agree it's quite bland; something I've heard many a time before. I think the dialogue sounds a bit too contrived...maybe liven it up a bit. Your characters also need ...

Definitely liven up the first stanza to capture your audience, because it doesn't do justice to the rest of the poem. I like the twists, and the word choice. I ...

You've got a nice pace in here, and the emotion is really raw. Good job with that. What I think you could improve is the originality. Position the subject somewhere ...