Liz

I love this. It flows really well; each word and line seems to rush into the other. One thing: "and streetwise poetboys –that spout the" I think it would be ...

My daddy still grabs my arm as we're walking along the road and a car plunges forth through the embroidered night. He may be an old black shoe, but I ...

Yeah, I like the trailing-off style. This one's nice. I think the third stanza starts a little awkwardly, but apart from that it's great.

I don't think it's memorable. Definitely easy to relate to, but you need to make it yours.

The dry night air bursts in my mouth, awakening a thirst in me, only to be overpowered by the assimilated guitar chords reminiscent of last Christmas. Tonight as I walk, ...

Who's going to pay for all my anxious lies and my time-wasting words that litter every cell around me? I pushed it all away, I flicked the rope from the ...

Aw, thank you! That's so cool how you wrote and scanned it. I don't usually comment on my own stuff but that was such a nice surprise that I had ...

That's funny! Nice one!

I really like this. Again you've managed to create a wonderfully original piece with a good backing idea. However, I reckon this one could flow a little better, especially at ...

I like it, but there were a few little things that would make it even better. "novels onto the ceiling until your fingernails cry" "On" instead of "onto" would make ...

time stings on as my eyes form a feathery irritation. today (how long ago) hailed of pretentious conversations, fake segregations and neon alterations. yellow eyes remind me of a summer ...

Wow, beautiful. I love how I can read your poems and understand everything and yet find this layer of mystery. Your stuff is very easy to read, and addictive. Gorgeous ...

I like this. There were some problems with the flow, in the last stanza and in the lines: "about the way you hold yourself in others' eyes because they don't ...

I love this. Original and intriguing. I thought you overdid it a tiny bit with all the allusions, but you made up for it at the end.

Yep, definitely cut down the sentences. It will make it read better. I like it though, well done.