Livinginfantasy

I lie wounded Life's blood slowly slipping away You held that knife The one lodged in my heart You laughed And left me to die alone That was beautiful! :D

That was cute :D I liked how you repeated some lines to show emphasis. I agree with being more descriptive. Hey, for your first time, you aren't bad. Just a ...

I love the emotion in this piece... But I think you limited yourself to rhyming. This could've been so much much more deeper if you spread your wings and tried ...