Lilyy03

Yeah, as others have said, putting space between paragraphs makes it easier to read. :) It looks pretty good so far (and I think the title is great), but here ...

Ohmigosh *wipes tears of laughter* These are too great (although I don't usually like cats ;)).

- in old notebooks in drawers that are opened once a year - in overheard conversations - in ungodly hours of the morning - in the feeling of holding fresh, ...

You're missing quite a few commas and quotation marks. ;) Try adding some descriptions of things other than their hair and eye colors.

Wow. Um. I think that first one may have a house elf look going on, with the ears and skin tone... They're creepy, but cute in a way I guess...

Great story :) Maybe It had died, of grieve or starvation. I think it should be grief, not grieve? The only other suggestion I have that maybe some more description ...

Elenasari - I edited the story, and added another few (well, 2, lol) sentences about the picture… I do know what you mean, there wasn’t as much about the picture ...

Oooh, interesting. Especially that it was found years after what happened in your previous excerpt. :) I don’t think it’s a good idea to have those really long names in ...

About the present tense stuff - it's true it's relatively unusal, and can get messy and hard to read, but it is possible to pull off. From my own reading ...

It's not much to by, but it seems that the story could be interesting. Though I agree, you perhaps have too many similes in there. To a point they add ...

Looks like an interesting start. :D Lots of action and emotion... You just seem to go through it all rather fast, without creating very much depth. Maybe slow down, and ...

I've only read about half of it so far, sorry, but I thought I'd mention some things for now... First, I like how you'be built up the feeling of menace ...

Thank you, eleinasari! Hmm, I'm not sure I see what you italicized... Quote After driving a block, she tries again. Maybe I’m a bit picky here, but maybe you should ...

Claudette - Hmm, I don't think it could've been Lily Cole. As far as I know, she hasn't acted in any TV shows or movies, except as Alice in Phantasmagoria ...

Aww, thank you so much, Claudette! ^_^ Of course you can save some. Rows 4 & 5 are of fashion model Lily Cole in various photoshoots.