Lilyy03

Ah... Well maybe you could put "Author's Note" or something before the italicized bit. I thought it was part the piece as well. It seemed redundant, with the first paragraph. ...

Yay, good article! :D The only thing I can think of to add--and maybe this is just me--is don't preface the piece by telling us what a friend, teacher, or ...

And I saw a dark speck against the sun. I looked away, rubbed my eyes, and looked back--it was still there. It was getting larger, too.

Well I'd suggest correcting your dialogue punctuation . ;) I agree with your teacher that the animal metaphors were creative, if a bit... odd. There are a few spots where ...

I think a good thing to have at the of chapters is something surprising that'll keep the reader wanting more.

Four rings of the old grandfather clock Do grandfather clocks really ring? I always thought of them as chiming, or maybe tolling. as every child was fast asleep – or ...

So. After a couple unsuccessful attempts at writing novels (or very long short stories) over the years, I've decided to try doing it properly. ^_^ I think my lack of ...

The sky begins to Clear; it is the day after Storms and shocking pain.

"Who do you work for?" Demanded a ferocious muscular man with deadly black eyes. "Demanded" shouldn't be capitalized. "I work for no one, however I myself would like to ask ...

As the penguins left for Starbucks, John's would-be co-star (a tall, slender, bosomy, raven-haired woman) dashed to his fallen body. She wore a plain blue dress, but its demure simplicity ...

I'd add that His Dark Materials also shows a lot of innovative, extremely interesting magical creatures. Not the usual stock of dragons or centaurs--armored bears, daemons... Also, Diana Wynne Jones' ...

Lisp

Yeah... It was a dark and stormy night... ^_~ Other than that, I did like this. It's especially good that you end each exerpt you post with something different and ...

Battles definitely aren't essential for conflict--the way some writers do them, they're just totally boring. :P Sometimes it's the smaller, more personal, less flashy conflicts that are the ones that ...

Harry Potter is good. It's fast-paced and exciting. LOTR, however, is of another league completely. Even the LOTR movies are far and away superior to the HP ones. I completely ...