Leonheart

Welcome to YWS! hope you enjoy your stay (sound like a hotel brochure...)

I don't think this works. if you're going to create a poem that works around the topic of cheating, then the poem has to evoke some sort of emotion in ...

maybe it's my intelligence, but i don't understand this poem in the slightest. and thats not a good thing with poetry, theres no point in writing anything if its not ...

Stop it you guys. The poem my sound boring, but it is good. It talks about an experiance many of us can relate to. please don't argue with a critique, ...

didnt like it. sorry, but thats my view. it didnt always flow, i thought the topic was bland, and the imagery didnt work. the second or third verses didnt work ...

long-winded.... very long winded. but for once, it works. i agree with everyone else, it needs punctuating. some of the things just need breaking up to make it easier to ...

i have to agree with Phorcys, is didn't stand out to me as being a great poem. i guess with work, it could be made good, but i'd say try ...

but wouldn't take be so much better as 95%? you've had so many people in this topic say "what was it about?", and that could do with rectifying.

i didnt find it too emotional, not like it could have been. and why is this rated R? the legnth keeps jumping around a lot... you have short lines, then ...

i think there is a good use of imagery in this. i got a good insight with the things you said. i didn't really like it though. the imagery was ...

long winded, boring. i didn't like it. there was lack of imagery, which a poem needs. like Phorcys said, its very much like a story. and even as a story ...

no, doesn't go as well with the line before. previously, it ran into each other as one subject. but now it jumps a little, and its not as good. i'd ...

thanks for the credit! yeah, this was a joint plot idea between the two of us, that really never got used, but as far as im concerned, we re-wrote the ...

seems everyone is saying "PM me for help" so i'll say it too hi, if you need any help, feel free to PM me and i'll do my best to ...

anyone else want to review? i really want to make this better, so everything is welcome