Lena.Wooldridge

Hey, this is actually really good. I have a couple nitpicks. :arrow: VERB TENSE Verb tense, in case you don't already know, basically tells the reader what relative time this ...

Hey, if this isn't an actual writing piece, then it doesn't belong in the "romantic fiction" section. This seems to be more of a rant or something. To answer all ...

Uhm, yes, you know that you are spelling "Jehovah" wrong, right? I mean, you have literary license and everything, but if you are referring to "Gods real name" or whatever, ...

I just wanted to warn you that you introduce too many characters for a first chapter. It is overwelming.. I mean, the first sentence has three.. Jeeze. Not gonna lie ...

Just a quickie... Your first sentence is kinda.. Eh. "Adele DuPont cried at her father's funeral." Aight, I feel like you are giving away too much. Maybe make it a ...

Most of this happens way too fast.. Especially when she sees her father, who she had always thought was dead. It seems weird that she would recognize him at all. ...

To be honest, this was so long and boring that I quit reading. Yeah, I know that while you are in middle school it seems like the coolest thing. But ...

Oh wow... Ummm yeah, sorry I promise I'm not a homophobe.. But yeah. This is very well written, even though there is basically no plot :) silly. I turned my ...

Remember that when you say the word "you," you have to actually spell it out. Like at the end... with whom U wanted to share You need to spell out ...

To be honest, this really does seem to be a cliched orphan story. Just look at the MC. The idea of an orphan believing that her mom was an actress ...

Haha, this is great. There's nothing bad I can really say. I have a couple nitpicks, nothing to serious, you might not even want to change them. 1) You use ...

Just saying, I can totally relate to this. I'm no poetry expert, not at all, put I think this was pretty good. However, the way you kept on making a ...

Okay, you need to lose some of the commas. Actually, a lot of the commas. I'll show you with the first sentence that has major issues: It’s been so long ...

Hey Durrie! I'm here :) yeeee. OLD VERSION The six lands of their kingdom, the ultimate sixth owned by a variety of persons, were connected together by Kenass Mountain. This ...

Once again, this is very "I did this, I did that." That part of it needs some work. The story is good, though. You do an excellent job of portraying ...