Lena.Wooldridge

Thank you so much!

Hey Sara. I haven't seen you around YWS much. It's always nice to see a new face! NITPICKS Rocks and roots make my steps uneven as they hit the ground. ...

Heya! :) Did I anticipate seeing my old friends and teachers? No. Anticipate means "think it will happen." So your character doesn't think she'll see any of her old friends ...

You don't have to substitute the word "rebels" with anything. Just remove it completely. ie: "Show yourself!" instead of "Show yourself, Rebel!" (I dunno if you used this exact dialogue ...

Hey! Overall, this was written very well. Its really sad that all her friends died :( However, I think you should emphasize the fact that Maria got shot, cause I ...

Lol, you totally got this idea from Seven Pounds. The idea is compelling, but it would have been more emotionally gripping had it been more original. If you haven't seen ...

Hey! Alright, so some of the stuff in this is, like, superweird. You'd never ask some girl that you just met if she's had sex. That's so weird. Also, when ...

Hey, here as I promised :smt003 NITPICKS Jasmine Kline winced in half pain , and half fear... Unnecessary comma : ) ...whom she had met many times when she was ...

Just a note -- women can't have orgasms from sexual intercourse. And if they do, it wouldn't be when they lose their virginity. And it wouldn't be from "one swift ...

You should change the rating on this to 16+ for language Just saying. Cheers, Lena

Wow, I just read Galerius's post... Whatta meanie! Anyway, this wasn't like amazing, but it was pretty good. Galerius was right when he said that your basic message was something ...

Hey, just have to say that I love your name/avatar. Ha, Anyway, when a character is speaking you italicize it. (ie: swoosh , I thought as I smiled and turned ...

Hey Anuha! Welcome to YWS! Feel free to PM me if you need anything. Here are some simple rules for dialogue. 1) At the end of the dialogue, before the ...

Thank you, sorry if it's a little long :S

First off, your prologue is unnecessary. Why not just make that part of the first chapter? The prologue as it is is a little shaky. I love the idea that ...