Leahweird

Well this is shaping up quite nicely. You handled the time skip really well. The section in italics (the diary entry) was kind of hard to read. I think you ...

This is really good, the set up for a very interesting story. I really liked the shift of Evelyn having nightly nightmares to suddenly waking up calmly and seeing the ...

Normally, I can't get into poetry that uses repitition, yet I really liked this one. Each "fear" is both a seperate thought and a smooth transition. Your language was perfectly ...

I think this work is going to be really cool. I love how you made me think he was being ironic about changing paths, after jumoing off a building. I ...

A forest bathed in inky glistening night Is suddenly bathed in what could have been the moon As time collapses in on itself A rosy, golden ribbon of dawn Reaches ...

Reading this, I could almost feel the sensation of slipping away regardles of your own desires. Just beautiful. My one criticism is the I don't like "physicale plane" in this ...

This is a really well-written piece. I disagree with the previous comment about your use of high end language. I love it, but than I'm fairly verbous myself. I would ...

You are doing really well for someone who has just started. A good rule of thumb that I would like to share with you is that nothing should go into ...

I really like how this poem uses very little to say a lot. You cab see a whole story it the few things the arrator says about himself, and the ...

Thank you very much! I will certainly take your suggestion into consideration. Don't wory, I can understand how it can be hard to give constructive criticsm without sounding harsh, especially ...

It should be straightforward To grasp the golden thread, And to follow it out Into a bright and rosy future. But there are monsters in the darkness, And the looming ...

I don't think you need the prologue. Everything the reader needs to know is integrated within the story itself. I think it would improve the sense of mystery that is ...

I really like the style of this, but I think you might have some trouble with typos and things. For example, this phrase: "Your experiments Your freedom Are going to ...

This is really lovely. Very evocative. My only critique is that the end doesn't have quite the same strenghth as the beginning. Also the word dittles is bothering me. I ...

Points for knowing where the myth came from! I am on my way to edit. Thanks.