Leahweird

Not to cause dissent or anything, but I'm a believer in leaving out descriptions of things unless they add to the story. The word "serpent" is pretty evocative, so we ...

A small woman with tabby orange hair opened the door. She smiled and ushered him inside, her green eyes sparkling. "I'm Cat. That's Tom," she said, pointing to a skinny ...

Marguerite stared into the flames of the hearth. She was glad to finally be warm, and thrilled to be free of blood, but the flickering fire reminded her too much ...

I wish I had more to say about the actual story, but that seems to be coming along swimingly. I wanted to take a moment to adress your sentence structure. ...

Thank you all so much for your wonderful comments! I have fixed the errors mentioned, and tweaked some things to fix some of the issues. Hopefuly they will suffice until ...

By the time the sun started to set, they were already farther away from home than Tom had ever been. The dirt path they were following had dipped into the ...

I think you're having trouble with tense in this chapter. You keep flipping between past and present. I think that's because your narrator is speaking in the future about the ...

Hit up the Crowns! Serena will make him feel welcome ;)

This is an epic prologue. You've managed to put us right into the scene without it feeling abrubt or leaving us wondering what is going on. In fact, you gave ...

If we do end up with another set of twins, I can easily see Serena deciding to be rivals on principle.

Dorian Typical. The only female who would speak to with them in the entire muckheap, and she was a thirteen year old lunatic. While her list of achievements was promising, ...

Name: Serena Crown Age: 24 Gender: Female Appearance: Serena is tall and slim with long black hair that has a tendency to curl. Her cat-like features are similar to her ...

When you say fie different people, do mean five different characters, or five different players? because i'm contemplating making two... If that's allowed.

Thanks for understanding.

I am so sorry, but I need to drop out. Google Docs is seizing up my netbook, and I can barely glance at whats going on. What I've seen looks ...