Leahweird

Okay, I take back my comments about Rima being closer to the forefront. This was definitely the origins of a heroine. What a beautiful scene!

Hmmm. She's definetly not coming across as particualrly matronly. I can see how that would be a problem though. Unfirtunetly I have no suggestions.

Hey, can we have the hyenas? I think it would be fun to have the hyenas.

Name: Temperance Yoanni Position: Seraph, Leader Gender: Female Appearance: Long, red-gold hair frames a gaunt face and wide grey eyes. Temperance is compact, but wiry. She eats and sleeps only ...

Hee hee. When I read about guys like Cheyne, I find myself waiting for the heroine to give him a good smack. I enjoyed letting Marguerite actually do it.

Name: Harley Quinn (also known as Dr. Harleen Frances Quinzel) Appearance: Personality: Energetic, bubbly, and cute, but watch out if you get her angry. She can be cruel and vengeful. ...

It was already late in the day when Fleurine woke her. At first she thought it had all been another dream, but then she heard Cheyne shouting outside. Evidently he ...

That actually sounds like a lot of fun. I'm a girl, but I've roleplayed boys before. This actually sounds like a kind of collaborative writing that I've always wanted to ...

This is a really nice way to start of your story. What a sweet scene. I did have some moments of confusion figuring out who was who, but that happens ...

I Am The Walrus by The Beatles A Chocobo from Final Fantasy Spatula Pat Buchanan Pikachu

@Crow29

Lizziecast, I think you're in the wrong section. This is a storybook, not a shortstory. It's nice of you to review, but this is not the place.

Lots of poor characters get names that suit their profession. There are so many rangers named Ranger it's not even funny.

Reserving Harley Quinn.

I'm so glad you are both enjoying this! It means so much to me. I like to think I pour my heart into all the things I write, but I'm ...