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Re: My Brother's News
I agree with the above reviewer - this has potential, but you need to space things out and fix a few things, for example... There are quite a few holes ...
Mar 3, 2011 -
Re: Where I Belong (Extended)
I like this, but it seems to have one problem - the emotions aren't given enough detail. Yeah, the other reviewers said it too, but I'll say it again; we ...
Feb 27, 2011 -
Re: Freedom Awaits: Chapter 1
I like the idea of this, but you need to expand on your characterization - we don't see too much about who these people are. We don't know what they ...
Feb 27, 2011 -
Re: Erased
I don't know exactly what section this should go in - it feels strange to be here, but it isn't exactly prose or poetry, either. It's unique, and I like ...
Feb 27, 2011 -
Re: Sunset Sand
There are some unanswered questions in this piece that are relatively important - who is this girl, and why is she stuck with this man? She mentions the cuts -- ...
Feb 27, 2011 -
Re: The February 2011 Review Day Check-In
3 so far... Let's see how many I can do today~
Feb 27, 2011 -
Re: The Gift (Contest Entry) - Edited.
I didn't expect this was non-fiction at first -- well, other than it being in the other category... It's written like a story, and I like that. I'm interested to ...
Feb 27, 2011 -
Re: The Observatory
I think the problem with these stories is mostly that they don't read like fiction - they read like scare stories in an internet safety lecture you get in school. ...
Feb 27, 2011 -
Re: Bread
Ouch... this piece is harsh. In a good way, of course, but... wow. However, you wanted criticism, so I'll get there. The switch between the characters is a little hard ...
Feb 27, 2011 -
Re: Dangerous Games
I like this - no, it doesn't make too much sense on it's own, but when viewed symbolically it says a lot. You learn tons from a relationship or friendship ...
Feb 25, 2011 -
Re: Public Displays of Affection
I love how you contrasted the two couples in this, it was an adorable comparison. The humor in the fifth line is perfect too. I can totally relate to your ...
Feb 25, 2011 -
Re: [delete]
[deleted, sorry! D: I'm possibly submitting this work and I don't want it on the web. >: ]
Feb 25, 2011 -
Re: Tic. Tac. Toe.
First, I'd like to say I like this. A lot. It's got a really good mood, and is incredibly interesting. One thing I'd like to say is that there seems ...
Feb 24, 2011 -
Re: Perfection.[Preface]
Hi! I really like your story - my biggest complaint, to be honest, is that it's too short. :] As previously noted, your descriptions are awesome; I could visualize everything ...
Feb 24, 2011 -
Re: The Death Of Penny Lane
Hi! I really liked this piece, but let me do some nitpicking first; "Dear Penny." Should be "Dear Penny , " "As ungraceful as the sentence was , it was ...
Feb 22, 2011
