Kwantack

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Like the others have said, grammar would improve this piece a lot, so would punctuation, but overall, I really like it's rhythm and flow. Keep writing!

Dude, I really liked this. Keep writing, it's waaaay better than my poetry.

Saddening! But it's very well written. The only thing I can say is that you might want to change Try to Trying in the first stanza. Great job! Thanks for ...

Great vocabulary with this!! It's very interesting, and it has a nice flow and rhythm to it. The punctuation rocks! Keep up the good work!

Wotcha! I really liked this piece, but I did notice a few things. When you switch up who's talking, you should probably make each person's sentence(s) isolated so that people ...

Amazing. Simply and absolutely amazing. I wish I could help, but I can't. It's beautiful. Well done, and keep writing!

Wow. This is absolutely well written and I love the grammar and punctuation. The only thing I can find is when you say "towards the light" I'm thinking that should ...

Yeah, I agree; you need to really slow down, which will expand the story a little, and when you say "Now where are those---shoes? Ah, a psychologist. Hmmmm, psychologist. psychologist. ...

I loved how everything lead to the next thing--it flowed very well. Just one thing; in the first paragraph, I think you mean breath because breathe is like "I can't ...

THAT WAS SO INTENSE!! Haha I loved it! I'm speechless right now--well done! If you want you can kill me (Allie) but I don't really care either way. Please keep ...

Its flow was very smooth--well done! In the first two lines, 'here' and 'here' may be a bit confusing for rhyming but it does work and if you like it ...

Very well done. You might want to capatalize more words, though...

Oh my gosh, this is amazing!! This is what I've been looking for all my life, someone to just go out there and say it! And dude, seriously, we NEED ...

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