Kraemer

come on people!

okay. I like what you did with all the advice. It's quite the improvement. I hate to contradict, but i disagree with canislupis about the story. I like the juxtaposition ...

ohh, and pm me if you add anything

ooh and sorry for delving into psychology and philosophy. I am such a nerd

It seemed that you were dividing stuff into paragraphs way too much. Every two to three lines was a new paragraph. So make them longer, more fuller. And also put ...

good job. You certainly been working on this a while. PM me!!!!