Kiki

Chapter Four The Demon at the Foot of My Bed A couple of months have passed since Pink had entered the castle. I have noticed that her shyness had slowly ...

Wow everyone beat me to it! xD There's a lot of dialog...this could be a good or bad thing, depending on who and where it comes from. Me, in my ...

**Still in shell shocked mode** This is absoulutely amazing. I can't belive there was so much I had to learn about writing !! I'm not sure about one thing though ...

The next day after we arrived, a bath was needed Then it goes into a flash back to the day after they arrived at the castle with Pink. It may ...

Hey hun! I really like this! The things that I noticed: “Hello, Tameri I am sorry for your lose.” Ya right everyone knows Haren and I hated each other. Lose ...

We know it's an accident. That's why you post stuff here, so others will review, and help you spot these things. ;) hehehe! Thanks! =D *huggles*

I am a fan as well. You use a lot of the same words over and over again. I recommend getting a good thesaurus. For instance, in describing the uncle's ...

hahaha omg i love Pink and Kiki!!! Ha!! I was cracking up when Pink beat Sophie up!!! I could totally picture that in my head! Very nice job! I liked ...

beautiful piece! Only thing I gotta say: *I'm sorry if this was a terrible read* This wasn't part of the poem right? So, let's not put it there. =D It's ...

I really like this =D Dreams are so nice to write about :D Good job hun

Chapter Three Tea Party from Hell I woke up one morning to nothing in my bed. Pink wasn’t there and I started to panic. Something could have happened; for instance ...

Too much about Danni? Maybe...I might change that a bit. A) Kiki's a princess, so what? Ever since I started her back when i was 12, mind you, she's always ...

Brutal! It's awesome! so much better than I could do ! I like it :D

Wow...intense O_O That's a lot of dialog. Although for this prologue I think it works. Grammar wise I cant help, I suck at grammar xD sorry... You might wanna describe ...

Thanks Meadow!! :D I sometimes type past instead of passed, I dunno why but it happens and Word doesnt catch it foe me D= Thanks so much for your input!!