Katriona

A snowman paced silently to and fro a few yards in front of the stable. The snow was coming down hard and fast, coating the dirty little town in a ...

Everybody else seems to have covered what is wrong with it, so mostly I will tell you how (in my opinion) to make it better. First, I think you should ...

I edited so it would be shorter.

I edited, just so everyone knows.

I don't know much about that time period, but I have been doing a lot of research on bullet wounds in general. No matter where the wound is, it is ...

I need help with research about the Foster system, and group foster home's in particular. I need it for a story, and it would be great if anybody knows anything ...

Pretending to have business there, or pretending to be sick would not work. For one, they would not tend a sick person (unless there was something to get out of ...

I am writing a story-thing where four people have to storm a castle. Only one of them is a legal adult, and the youngest is twelve. So if you have ...

Maybe a CIA agent... it would depend on whether or not you wanted to use that kind of secrecy.

Hello, Kite1992. I really like your story. It is kind of short, but that's okay for a first chapter. Just as long as you add on to it! Most of ...

This part no longer exists.

That was really good. It kept my attention until the very end, and now I want to read more! Your description and dialogue were very realistic, it made it seem ...

For anybody who is interested, part two of chapter two can be found at this topic.

"Da-ave!" A red-headed hurricane tore through the former lobby and attached herself to Wyatt's legs. David picked up the four year old birthday girl and set her against his hip. ...

This is really good. You kept the story moving and the reader interested. I do think you might have been able to slow down a bit, so that the escape ...