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Re: I Never Meant To Let You Down
I never meant to let you down. Comma instead But i did. I took the girl you believed in, the girl who had so much potential and hope; the words ...
Mar 19, 2011 -
Re: all these tangled thorns
It's our anniversary, darling, and I'm waiting 'and I'm waiting' doesn't have the romantic tone it needs and for a second there I could have hated you. 'there' sounds too ...
Mar 18, 2011 -
Re: Empty Mind
May I sit here as and I stare, this revision is just a suggestion Embody pen and paper bare, as Not a lonesome word escapes this Shallow mind, this empty ...
Mar 16, 2011 -
Re: Hit the Penguin [2]
320.1 woot? Wait.. mine game's different D:
Mar 16, 2011 -
Re: Above the Lake
In the stillness, The wind brushes against the landscape. wind = movement. wind =/= stillness It was silent not so long ago. alright, this is an interesting line. But... what ...
Mar 15, 2011 -
Re: On Metamorphosis
Let’s get one thing straight: I am not a social butterfly. Psh obviously you're on YWS! ... just kidding.
Mar 13, 2011 -
Re: My Whispers On the Ocean
Two shattered hearts, and one broken dream. this doesn't call for a period, a comma should suffice. Nothing was ever as it seemed. You never really explained what wasn't what ...
Mar 12, 2011 -
Re: Prompt Attack
Write a poem in which the narrator is not the main character, also involve any version of the verb 'to sip' (ex. sipped, sip, sipping)
Mar 7, 2011 -
Re: Love Poetry
Post one poem at a time You need to work on the cliches in your poems. They have an angsty, whining way to them. Don't get me wrong, that's the ...
Mar 6, 2011 -
Re: Do I?
Wow. wow wowo wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowo- Wow. Very nice poem. the wording, everything is wonderful. Do I love..? I think the dots make it more obvious that it is a question posed ...
Mar 5, 2011 -
Re: Two Truths and a Lie
I dislike the italicized words, even if they had a purpose. We were in our parent’s home town of Onslow, North Carolina for a festival that was celebrated every year ...
Mar 5, 2011 -
Re: Lightning
A shock. The periods are too abrupt. It. Makes. It. Choppy. Like lightning. a bit cliche with the spark being compared to lightening Leaps from your hand to mine. What ...
Mar 4, 2011 -
Re: Book Trailer
My book trailer for class. How should I improve it?
Mar 3, 2011 -
Re: Post Your Pic Here [7]
In the background you can see the vacuum I'm supposed to be cleaning my room with.
Mar 3, 2011 -
Re: Genre Battle
Historical fiction, woop woop!
Mar 2, 2011
