Kale

I've lived in this place for fifteen years -- played in the yard, imagined worlds, stacked its stones and picked up its sticks, uncovered every nook and cranny of the ...

Darko was pretty thorough. The rhyme scheme was forced, there was no rhythm to it, and there were several grammatical errors. For instance, you do not need to end every ...

Hello there. A little late, but I'm back as requested. Technical Bits She was so unconscious she hardly cared. If you're unconscious, you're unconscious; there's not awareness or caring of ...

Thanks for pointing those out, Tayla. They've been fixed. :D And besides that, it's very separate from all of those ideas. Whee! Success! X3 Why did you choose not to ...

Brace yourself, Dakota, for this critique will be pretty harsh. Just keep in mind that I am trying to help you and that you always have the option of discounting ...

This had me riveted, especially after Sophie finally sees her parents. :3 I'd just like to point out that Sophie should be going into shock having just been shot in ...

In the time before mankind came to be, before even the Earth was made, there was Sun Father and Moon Mother. In that time before measure, Moon Mother blazed as ...

Thanks. :D @Meadow - Bah! Your reviews are always helpful. :P

Not two months have I been working here as the kings' right-hand-man -- well, woman -- and people already trust me with their lives! Two months ago my life turned ...

The sun shone at its highest summit in the nude sky, shooting its infernal rays down and mercilessly baking my body through my all black attire. "Nude sky" is a ...

Overall, the rhyme was good. You kept to a consistent scheme which really helped it. My only quibbles are "break it" and "one hit" and "become" and "anthem." They don't ...

Thanks for the comments you two. :D @lily - Laura-Lee is the person the poem is being addressed to. The Lorelei is a giant rock in the Rhine River and ...

Shock, though, at your cutting all those oxymorons. And I actually think that they're beautiful. Talk about falling out of favour. That's the thing though -- they sound pretty, but ...

You had a very good rhythm up until the third line of the last stanza. Try "Restart?" instead. Also, the very short one-word lines annoyed me a bit. I think ...

and colder than a frozen penguin in an Antarctic lake. Pure awesomeness. It's my favorite line. X3 I think it could use a bit of refining just to make it ...