Kale

Top 10 US States 1. California 2. Texas 3. Pennsylvania 4. New York 5. Ohio 6. Illinois 7. Michigan 8. Wisconsin 9. Washington 10. North Carolina Say what? How did ...

This started off quite good — you had a definite rhythm and the rhymes didn't feel forced — but then you lost the flow and it became obvious that the ...

I have to agree with Rascalover — this felt entirely too disjointed, and there was nothing in each and every part that said "describing a saguaro". In particular, in one ...

...I just realized I forgot to fix the placement of the "Under 30" bit... Oops. Just pretend it was fixed and all because I meant to. Really. >.> As for ...

Generations have changed since she was my age, you know. Last I checked, we could still be considered to be part of the same generation... A decade doesn't much matter ...

Umm, are you sure people will know you for that Kyllorac? The people that know me would. I mean, Rosey would know, and Jagg for sure. And anyone who reads ...

There were a number of misspellings in this, several which would be easily picked up by a spell-checker (such as ym). In addition, you had a couple of misused words, ...

Nadiel came from a small group of Maliens. They only paired with others of their race to keep their people “pure.” All were blind, and most were gifted with an ...

I tried to contour them How do you contour someone? o_O You had a couple other odd phrasings like that scattered in this chapter, but otherwise, the grammar was pretty ...

This chapter, as beginningtowrite already pointed out, felt very rushed, especially near the end. In addition, some of the facts don't quite match up within the chapter. In the beginning, ...

Interesting, but you had a lot of strange descriptions which were strange because they often included words that weren't quite correctly used. For instance, "arrow indented in the heart" was ...

To be quite honest, this bored me. There are several reasons: This was almost painfully cliche. Plucky heroine who gets tortured? Check. Blatantly evil villain who enjoys torturing and plotting? ...

First things first: your have no spacing between paragraphs, which makes reading your story difficult on a screen. You can easily fix this by hitting the Edit button located in ...

First impression: Wow. Lots of italics. Revised impression: It makes sense, and it works. I haven't read the previous chapters, but you've got an interesting premise here from what little ...

I have to say, the summary at the beginning was much appreciated. :3 You might want to consider putting it under a spoiler to help keep it more separate from ...