Kale

Here as requested. First impression: Wow. That green is really bright. Why is it there? Oh. Translation note. Why is that there? Whatever happened to using plain old English or ...

You definitely would not have any Japanese swords on that continent then as, historically, Japan has only interacted with the nations with direct access to the Pacific, and the Americas ...

I see you already took sarg's suggestions to heart. There are still a few areas that could use some polishing, namely the beginning: So, when King finished talking to himself ...

There's no reason you can't. Sudden PoV changes are discouraged because they can confuse readers, but since you're planning yours for the epilogue, the epilogue is separate enough from the ...

Late, but my thread's called (Un)Timely Reviews for a reason. XD Before I tackle the content, there are a couple of technical things that need pointing out, namely punctuation and ...

What you've described very strongly reminds me of Final Fantasy 7, so much so that I think it might be difficult to take your story in a direction that doesn't ...

I don't have much to say about this chapter: it was pretty solid, and aside from some odd wordings here and there, usually from trying to use descriptive words, it ...

I'd say it depends on the execution. From the sounds of things, you have the time-travel as an integral part of the plot from the very beginning. The reason why ...

You cannot make readers like (or dislike) your characters; it's something the readers decide for themselves, and when authors really want their readers to like (or dislike) a particular character, ...

I have to add a caveat to Rosey's time and drafts thing. The most important thing for writing first-person is to be able to hear your character's voice. Sometimes this ...

I vote against tentacles. Brings some rather awkward mental images to mind. Feelers might work.

I just learned about it last year, and we saw lots of videos on it. Why would they teach you something that's untrue in school? It's also been other places. ...

Short stories don't always have to be bare. If you take my story Wolfskin for example, the language is lush and detailed, yet the final wordcount still comes in under ...

Stargazer ->> Good to hear! And aye, Norton is terrible. It's almost like a virus itself as it sucks away system resources and is almost impossible to remove. Unfortunately, it ...

They actually did a study on left handed people (I heard this in my child development class so it's not a rumor) and they said it was possible for left ...