Kakali

Claire groaned as she slowly awoke from her unpleasant slumber. She felt a harsh throbbing in her back from sleeping on the ground in a cold, makeshift hut. She stretched ...

So ask yourself; why do our differences cause such deadly fights? Why do they cause war? And suffering? And pain? And,and,and. Try other words than "and" Good hamburger-style layout. I ...

Your story was quite interesting. Though Nit-picking still. One question blasted in my mind as I peered out of my once hidden window, you might be wondering the same thing, ...

I like youre story. I would get into nitpicking, but some people already have done that. The characters parts don't exactly describe their persoality. I know its only chapter one, ...

Claire groaned as she slowly awoke from her unpleasant slumber. She felt a harsh throbbing in her back from sleeping on the ground in a cold, makeshift hut. Her dress ...

Claire looked out upon the empty sea with a longing in her heart. The wind billowed around her, sending golden locks of hair across her face. The dark gloominess of ...

I'm glad that people are here to show me whats wrong, that could have been embarassing. lol

“Fourteen years ago, I found you in a butter churn.” Wow! I think this is interesting. The fantasy part could use a little more fantasy in this chapter, if you ...

Actually its chapter 1. This is the prolouge. Claire looked out upon the empty sea with a longing in her heart. The wind billowed around her, sending golden locks of ...

If you were talking on a computer in your "chats" I would suggest using more acronims. (lol, jk, btw) or abbreviations. Really good story, I will continue to read. ( ...

Hey, I won't nit-pick to much. I smiled a wide smile at them. Carlisle smiled. I smiled as a little girl, about the age of five, stopped in front of ...

Okay, I revised it. It is a little longer. Claire looked out upon the empty sea with a longing in her heart. The wind billowed around her, sending golden locks ...

I really love the story, its riveting. Only some of the aposterphies were backwards, or something is wrong with them. The details are amazing. You should become a great author ...

Well, thanks for the very warm welcome everyone! I plan to write Animal-fantaasy later in the year. Purple still stands by me, but I have to say, Navy Blue comes ...

You should write more of it, it sounds interesting enough.